To all parent's out there, this post is here to advise you on what your teenagers are thinking in their head. Well you see, I'm hitting 23 this year which is somewhere in between the end of teenage hood and the first steps to being an adult. Although you are officially considered an adult once you hit 21, but most parents would still see their own kid as a child in their eyes XD. As a young adult who has just departed from the life of a teenager, I feel that it is my responsibility to teach parents about the life of teenagers nowadays so as to better prepare you for your own children who are reaching this phase or maybe some tips that your teens are facing. Do feel free to send me an email from the link on the right.
1. Being a teenager means that they are in a phase of learning.
This is the most important phase of their life. Whatever they become of in the future depends mostly in this phase; I call it the walk of maturity. Pre-teen, most of their memories are actually fuzzy and they probably wouldn't even remember what they learnt or do as they were kids. But during this period of their lives, their memories are deeply etched in their head. It is very important to guide them during this period of their lives especially when they have just hit 10-12 years old. At this period, their brain would open up so suddenly to the world that they might not be able to handle all the information properly. This is because at this age, they would have reached a level of maturity whereby they can think and process information much clearer than before. They would be so inquisitive at every thing they see. So at this point of time, it is very crucial that parents teach and guide their child on what they are doing or looking at. Also, you must be very open to whatever your child asks of you. Even if the matter is very embarrassing or weird, it is very crucial to explain it to them carefully and not just tell them "don't do it because I say so". If you were to do this, I would guarantee that once your child hits the later stage of teenage hood, they would definitely find means to try them. Lucky for me, my parents are pretty open and therefore I don't think they ever had any problems with me over this. They are really open and even ask me to try everything but to not get addicted or into any troubles with moral and legal issues. And so far, I had never gotten into any. So I guess my parents did the right way yeah?
2. No two person will ever walk the same path.
Try not to use the phrase "Ive been there before and I know what to do". Yes you may have gone through the exact same path of their education. You may have went through college before or high school before. But do note that times change, education system evolves. What happened then would not be the same as things happening now. Exams, workload, stress, may very well have been different since then. You may have experienced teenage hood before. But teenagers then and teenagers now are very different from the way they think, do things and act. So try to understand your child, you can impart your experiences and tell them what happened to you and how you manage to solve it. But let them try to solve it in their own hands. Who knows? Maybe their approach could be better and newer. Sadly to say, my parents are still using this phrase especially my dad in terms of academic. He always say (even till now) that if he was the one taking my exam he would have gotten aced them, and how its because of my tardiness that I am not scoring As. But he always forgets one thing, education in Singapore in the past is so much easier than what we are studying now. So many things have changed in 30 years. So parents please don't do this to your children. It gets really annoying especially when you repeat it over and over again.
3. You can only advise, but do not ever do anything by force.
People hate to be forced to do anything. Same goes to us and your child as well.
Most of the time, the more you force them to do something, the more they would do against it.
Try not to hint them into doing something against their will as well.
Learn to explain your rationale to them and if they accept it, they will definitely listen.
But if they dont, maybe they have a better reason for not doing so.
4. Listen, do not judge and NEVER criticise
When your child comes to you and tell you something, they just needed someone to listen to them.
Sometimes they just need someone whom they can trust to listen to their world and rants.
Although some may be totally irrelevant, there is no harm in spending some time listening to them.
Try not to criticise or judge them. If you ever do, there is a high chance that they will close up.
If that happens, you probably wouldnt get another chance to talk to them properly anymore.
That is because the moment you judge or criticise their thoughts, they will immediately feel that
there is no point in telling you anymore as everything they say would be criticised or judged.
And therefore they will either not tell you the truth, or not tell you anything at all.
Sadly, this is happening between my parents and me.
Ive kept quite a distance from them. Most of the time when they asked me who i hang out with,
they would judge and ask why I always hang out with certain group of people and stuff like that.
That is why i usually not tell them about going out or if they asked i would just say "friends".
5. Support and let them know you are always behind them
Your support means really a lot to them.
There is a saying that goes "A child would always go back to their parents when they stumble"
As a parent, let your child know that you will always be behind them no matter what happens.
And be there for them all the time. When they are graduating from elementary school, college,
every big moment in their life, you must be there to support them.
Your children will truly treasure the effort you put in.
6. Lot of love
And lastly, on top of all the other advice, shower them with lots of love.
